


Recipe For Disaster

by Danger_Zone24



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Don't mess with Q, M/M, Multi, No mugs where harmed in making of story, funny (hopefully), or in story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-13 23:32:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11195751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danger_Zone24/pseuds/Danger_Zone24
Summary: Alec had the marvellous idea of messing with Q's mug and got James involved.Don't these two know not to touch Q's mug?!





	Recipe For Disaster

James sighed and ran a hand over his face. Of all the ideas Alec came out with, this one just had to take the cake. Everyone knew not to touch or mess with Q’s mug. It was one of those things drummed into people as soon as they stepped foot in Mi6, or even looked like they were going to enter.

“This plan of yours is going to get us killed. Of course I’m in. Not that I’d have a choice regardless,” he grumbled, holding the door open for Alec.

He contemplated shutting it in his face, to knock some sense into the other man but remembered all the other times he had tried to do something similar. Sighing again James decided that it had the opposite effect on his lover because his ideas had gotten weirder and wilder with every door or fist to the face.

Also for every hit he had given, he had received two, and for once he’d rather keep his face intact. Q would definitely send him to the hell that was Mi6’s Medical for his troubles and that was one of the places he’d much rather never see again if he had any choice in the matter.    

“Oh don’t be like that James. Remember all for one, one for all. Anyway why wouldn’t you want to help? My ideas are awesome. It’s not _my_ fault _you_ stuff up and it all goes to hell.” Alec turned around, walking backwards so he could face James as they made their way to Q-Branch.

“You filthy bugger, it is not my fault. It never is!”

“Is too! Even Q agrees!”

“He does not!” James reached out to swat at Alec, who laughed and danced out of the way.

“Oh yeah? So if we call him now, he wouldn’t pick my side?”

“No, he wouldn’t.”

“He would.”

“You have no proof.”

“I do. You’re the one who gets told off the most.”

Finally managing to grab Alec, James gave him a few well aimed punches to the guts. “That’s because you blame me for the loss of _your own bloody equipment_! You somehow manage to convince Q that I play a part when we never ever have a mission together any more, which I might add is also your fault, and we are on opposite sides of the world!”

“It’s a marvellous talent,” grinned Alec.

“Talent? My arse!”

Halting Alec turned and hugged James, letting his hands wander down his back, “Now that I’ll agree with. Your arse is very talented.”

“Fuck you!” growled James pushing Alec away.

Chuckling Alec flung an arm around James’ shoulders as they continued on their way, “Later James, later! So impatient today.”

“If you weren’t being such a smart arse, then we’d be home by now getting a good shagging from Q.”

“Well, what’s holding you up? Come along.” Speeding up Alec all but dragged James along behind him.

~~

“I want to go home,” huffed Alec as he jerked at the ropes binding him.

Q was one smart cookie, the booby traps that they had walked into were out of this world. Both of them should have seen them coming but like usual they went charging in with guns blazing. Figuratively speaking of course, because much to Alec’s sadness they didn’t have any explosives or guns on them, or anything that could’ve been made into something flammable.

“And I want to go to the moon. It ain’t happening, sweetheart. Time to accept that.”

“But James…”

“What’s that about my arse?” James questioned as he wriggled around, trying to get unstuck.

It surprised a good many people to know that he was as flexible as he was. It was all to do with the yoga Q had subjected him to. James had tried to convince Alec to join in after he got tired at being laughed at; but Alec wasn’t flexible at all and after three lessons he had made a mini bon fire out of the yoga mats he could find. Still James hadn’t given up trying to make Alec join back in, he and Q hadn’t laughed quite so hard in a long time.

“Oh shut it, and get us out of here!”

“I’m trying! Unlike someone I know!”

“Yeah, like we can call Q to help us! Especially after what we were attempting to do.”

Finally getting out of the trap James muttered, “Not what I meant, you big bear. Besides he’s going to know anyway.”

“Stop hitting me! That hurt.”

“Oh it did? I’m so sorry. Do you want a kiss better and a Hello Kitty band aid?”

“Yes please,” Alec pouted, not happy about still being stuck.

“Well, tough luck.”

“You bastard! You shouldn’t offer if you can’t or won’t deliver.”

“Come on, princess.”

“No. If you’re not going to play nice, then I’m not too,” Alec said sulkily, leaning away from James.

Hoping up James turned to walk off, “Suit yourself. Have a nice time by yourself and getting caught by the guards, who are probably going to get here any minute now.”

“James? … James! … JAMES! I'M STILL STUCK. PLEASE HELP ME!”

Turning back James growled, clamping a hand across Alec’s mouth as soon as he got close to him again. He quickly growled again and gave Alec a pointed look when Alec’s eyes started to twinkle with mischief. Once he had settled down James made quick work of getting him unstuck, both disappearing around a corner with seconds to spare. The less people that saw them and knew what they had been trying to do the better.

~~

“… And that’s when they showed up at my door soaking wet, bruised and covered in glitter.”

“Pictures or it didn’t happen,” Eve said, folding her arms across her chest and leaning back on the couch in Q’s office.

With a smug look on his face Q whipped out his phone and showed her the screensaver he had.

Eve burst out laughing, “You didn’t tell me that both of them had rainbow coloured hair. I heard on the grapevine about James but nothing was mentioned about Alec.”

“Mmmm, Alec was intolerable. He thought the hair was the best thing that’d ever happened to him. Sadly, the compromise was hair dye removal,” sighed Q putting his phone away.

“Oh?”

“I originally threatened him with chopping all his hair off, which he really didn’t want, much to James’s annoyance. He wanted to wax all of Alec. And when I say all of him, I mean _all of him_.”

“TMI! But you know what, that _would_ be hilarious to see.”

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking, B2?” Q chuckled as Eve’s face light up with excitement.

“I think I am B1... But why am I B2 though?”

Q stood up and helped Eve to her feet, “Because I said so. Now let’s go bag ourselves a couple of Double-Os.”

“Just to clarify, we’re just waxing faces, arms and legs? Or going the full Monty?”

“Because I’m in a good mood today, full Monty. But Eve, you can NOT help with some parts. I mean it.”

“Sigh. Ok. At least I can help with some of it. They are so going to hate us.”

“Yes, but they started it by wanting to mess with my mug, which is in my books results in nothing less than war,” said Q as he went over to put the said mug in its monster of a protective case.

“War, Sir? Minions at the ready, Sir.” Popping his head in the door R grinned.

“Thank you R.”

“That’s it. I’m officially jealous. I want minions.”

“You can’t. Your M’s minion and minions can’t have minions.”

“But R…”

“Is just one of the crowd, Miss.”

Q raised his eyebrow and smirked at Eve, before leading the way out of his office.

“Hey Q, you could make me feel better about being a minion by letting me give both your boys Mohawks… Don’t you look at me like that. It’d be fun. Plus, remember what they did, you know, war and all that.”

“Yes sir, please sir. What she said sir.”

“You trading sides R?” inquired Q, his eyebrow now raised towards his second in command.

“Absolutely not, sir. But in saying that, I’d pay to watch. Just saying, sir.”

“I suppose if I left them unattended for a little while, I couldn’t be held accountable for what happens there after. The fee for my blind eye will be, let’s say, two boxes of nice tea, a packet of biscuits and one of chocolate and a 500-pound donation to the local children’s hospital. And I want that from everyone who’s involved.” Q raised his voice for the last part, making the minions who had stopped working, scramble around to gather up their offerings.

Grinning Q sat down on his throne of old computer monitors, watching more and more excited minions came flooding into Q-Branch, ready to help out with the chaos. His grin faulted as M came marching in with Tanner by her side.

“Um, Ma’am…” he stuttered.

“No need to get up, Q. Here’s our payment,” M said gesturing to the box in Tanner’s arms, “I’ve tripled my payment as I want in on 007’s hair.”

“Triple ma’am? Not that I don’t think Q is grateful for the stuff, but I would imagine James’s hair is only worth doubling the original amount. If you want your monies worth you could have a go at Alec’s hair?”

“Oh, no thank you R, I think Eve has Alec covered. The extra is for the photos and security footage.”

R quickly turned to Q, “We have to pay for the blackmail footage? Shit, I’ll be back. Hey guys, you’ll want to get out more tea…”

Q sat back and laughed, things had gotten more interesting. Never in a million years did he think he’d be able to stop an entire branch for the day to have some fun and have the backing up of his boss to do it. The only downside was that like Eve had said, his boys wouldn’t be happy with him, so he’d be sleeping alone for a few nights, but that was ok. Then again no one would ever dare to mess with his mug, and the make-up sex would be fantastic. He hoped his desk was sturdy enough, he mused.

“I have no doubt that it would be, Q. But there’s only so much I can turn a blind eye too, you know. Though I have half a mind to let you do more than I already am, the blackmail would be lovely,” M smiled as a blushing Q rushed off and took his vacated seat as Tanner chuckled offering her a biscuit.


End file.
